The God I Am

A  recent exchange of philosophical viewpoints with a younger member of my extended family resulted in the usual outcome… I was told, yet again, that I was heading straight into the Fires of Hell because I have turned my back on God. I can smile at this predictable response from a young Christian because I no longer believe in this mythical place, but at the same time, I wish it didn’t have to always end the same way.

I could go on and on about the irony of “Loving Christians” damning to hell anyone who disagrees with them, but in so doing I would only further alienate my family and friends, most of whom are either content to remain in their present state of complacency or are, like my father was when he left the church after 75 years of service, to old and with too little time to start a new journey.

And so to my family and friends, and to anyone else who cares to read it, here is what gives me Great Joy today. I share it with you now so that you may know that I am quite happy with my life and have no intention of ever returning to the place I was before. I hope you can understand that and learn to accept me for who I have become. I don’t need your prayers, your preaching, or your pity. All I need is your acceptance, and for you to perhaps understand that I did not reach these conclusions without much study, contemplation, agonized soul searching, and yes… even prayer.

THE GOD I AM

I have had questions about Christianity all my life, but the ship didn’t start sinking until a few years back, when I wrote my first Statement of Passions and Beliefs, just after my Father’s death. It occurred to me then that the only way Jesus could have been the sacrificial lamb that took away my sins, thereby making it possible for me to gain entrance into God’s Kingdom, was if he had forfeited his place in the Godhead for Eternity. For if he was once God and then became man, and then returned to being God… what was the sacrifice He made… except for a few years of lowering himself to the level of us humans?

To question the Deity of Jesus however went against everything I was ever taught and also contradicted the Bible where it is written in John 14:4-6 “And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know. Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way? Jesus saith unto him, I am the way the truth and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” To go against what is written in the Bible, especially when it was the words of Jesus, was something I could not do. My whole life had been lived for Jesus and to turn away at that point was to condemn my own self to Hell!

I could not get it out of my mind however, and so I began to study Christianity from the perspective of others who were not Christians. It was in my search for the meaning of this statement by Jesus that I discovered the Book of Thomas and read for the first time what Thomas heard Jesus say.  In Thomas Saying 3, Jesus says, “...the Kingdom of God is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living Father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty, and it is you who are that poverty.”

Suddenly a door was opened and I began to see things more clearly. I no longer believed in the infallibility of the Bible and from that point on, it could no longer hold me captive with its threats of Hellfire and Damnation. The poverty of my life vanished as I realized that I too was a Son of God.

It is now my understanding that God is not a being at all. He is Life itself; Universal Life that will last for Eternity, and we are all a part of that Wondrous Life. Jesus evidently understood this Truth and although his words have been rearranged by men to fit their purposes, his whole ministry suddenly took on a new life for me. He was not the Savior of mankind that the writers of the book of John wanted us to believe, but was in fact the same as you or me.

Freedom from the chains of religion however, does not come without cost. Giving up Jesus meant giving up a Savior that could absorb all of my wrongdoings. It meant there was no more forgiveness for all of those things I had done in my lifetime that were selfish and arrogant. I had to take a closer look at myself and admit that I had made foolish choices, and I realized that I am the sum total of all I have ever said and done. Every lie I have told, every word I have spoken in anger, every bad deed, are all a part of me and I had to accept responsibility for the damage I had caused others because of these things. That was not an easy thing to do, but as I began to admit my wrongdoings to myself, I was reminded of my good deeds as well and I gradually learned to accept the person I have become,

I also realized that I no longer had to accept or forgive those who had treated me unjustly, something which had never come easy for me any way. Nor did I need to turn the other cheek anymore; I could hold people just as responsible for their actions as I held myself responsible for mine. I was free to judge others just as harshly as I judged myself. That may not sound right to a lot of people, but it is now my belief that the only way there will be any change in this world is if we start holding ourselves and others responsible for the actions and inactions in our lives.

The Joy of which I speak comes from the fact that I am no longer in competition with anyone. Meditation is now the only worship I need and it takes place within myself and requires no words of wisdom or instruction from anyone. I am free to examine the deepest parts of my inner being whenever I choose.

In addition I am no longer responsible for the “souls” of others. There is no “Hell” to save them from going to and therefore they are welcome to worship whomever they want and in any fashion they choose. There is no right or wrong way to worship as long as the end result is finding a Spiritual connection to all Living Things… and even this is not essential. There are those who go through their entire life without ever learning Compassion. For them perhaps, Eternity will seem like “hell”, but for the majority of us Eternity will be an ever expanding awareness of Love as Creation continues to grow from the experiences we bring back into it.

The best thing is I can now take credit for my “Works” again, which is a forbidden word in Christianity. Yes, I work hard at becoming a more loving person toward all living things and it makes me feel good when I see progress in myself. And perhaps the best part of all of this is I don’t care if anyone else believes the same way I do or not. It is not important… because I am a Child of the Universe and no one can take that from me. Within me is Eternal Life and I have only begun to experience what it means to be God.

Wayne Dale Matthysse

January 2012

True Peace

After returning from the war in Vietnam, I decided to spend the rest of my life working toward making this World a more peaceful place. I don’t think I have accomplished much actually and at times I still find myself ready to jump into an offensive mode whenever I am threatened. That happen recently when a dispute over how my parents’ trust fund should be divided, resulted in a heated argument with a family member.

Of course the problem goes much deeper than the trust fund, and I am not without blame for allowing things in my family to deteriorate to the extent that they apparently have. My point is, that my family’s problems are a microcosm of the world we live in. We wonder why it is that there are wars, hatred, and injustice in this world, when it is so obvious that these things are wrong… and yet, when provoked, we are the first to retaliate against those who threaten us - even family - without realizing that by so doing we are feeding the flames of hatred that cause all of these things to continue.

Most of you are aware that I no longer believe in the Divinity of Jesus… but that does not mean that I do not appreciate the ministry that he supposedly had while here on Earth. In the stories told of him, he fought against injustice and stood up to the religious zealots of his day and when they unjustly imposed the penalty of death on him, he did what few of us would do, he forgave them, for he knew they did not fully understand what they were doing.

    

This year, during the Christmas Holidays, I will remember Jesus… not because I believe he was a demigod sent to Earth to save me from my sins, but because he was a victim of injustice, like so many others I have known, and in his death he demonstrated for us the trait that I often find missing in my own life: the ability to forgive those, who out of ignorance, want to destroy you.

I doubt that this World will ever know True Peace… for the forces of ignorance are far too great, and even if we were able to bring Enlightenment to all of mankind, the destruction our greed has caused to our planet and atmosphere is far too severe and it could very well be, that it is too late to redeem it. We will in all probability remain at war with each other until the last of our kind is standing and then, and only then, will the reality of our foolishness be fully understood.

I still have hope however, that one day I will know True Peace… not the peace that eludes us in this World, but the Inner Peace that Jesus knew, the Peace that allowed him to forgive his torturers, even as he was being tortured. That Inner Peace which only comes to those who, like Jesus, realize that we are God.

Merry Christmas everyone!

May you all come just a little closer to finding True Peace in your life, during this Holiday Season.

Wayne Dale Matthysse

Retirement

I wonder where the idea got started… the idea of retiring that is? Retiring for the day I can understand; we all need to have a time of relaxation before starting a new day. Retiring from a workplace, after a number of years of doing the same thing over and over, I suppose is also understandable… but retiring from life, to sit by an empty pool, surrounded by old people sipping afternoon tea, while watching others play shuffleboard, is not something I have ever envisioned myself doing. I hope to stay involved in life right up to the end and when this life is over, I hope to do it again and again and again.

Some people have the idea that Heaven will be like a retirement village, where our weary souls will have a chance to just sit around all day singing Praises to God. I certainly hope not! Of course there are those that have already condemned me to Hell and so perhaps I won’t have to worry about that… but whatever happens in the next stage of my development… I hope it is as good as the life I am living now.

A good friend of mine commented privately to my post I AM GOD… “So what is left when you are God? It seems to me that there is not a lot except a continuing more or less subjective search for right and truth.”

I don’t think God finds life boring… I believe he lives in the same Present as We do and actually enjoys creating a new sunrise every morning and a different sunset every evening. I think he takes great pleasure in throwing us out into the middle of the lake and watching us struggle to stay afloat… until we eventually learn that we have the ability to swim on our own. I believe he watches with Pride the development of Mankind as we become more and more aware of our Spiritual relationship to him… and I am not at all looking to retire, I very much want to remain an active part of the continuation of Creation, for as long as time may last.

Wayne Dale Matthysse

I Am God

A fear of many, who put themselves in leadership positions, is that one day one of their followers will find themselves, and come to the realization that they no longer have need of a teacher.

For many years I thought I needed someone to follow and so I choose Jesus to be my Savior. Christianity became my life and all I thought and did was centered on the Church and its Bible. Jesus was my Light in times of darkness, my Guide when I was lost; he bore the weight of all of my religiously induced guilt, and became my Crutch when I found the trail to difficult to walk alone. He was everything to me and I was nothing and could not imagine life without him.

Over the years however, I have come to know others who have had similar experiences in life as mine, but they had chosen to put their faith in someone or something other than Jesus, and yet the results were similar…and I came to the realization that many of us have this need to believe that there is someone or something out there in the Universe that is bigger than ourselves. It really doesn’t make any difference who or what we put our faith in, as long as we can transfer the responsibility for our deeds and misdeeds over to It. I would conclude that this is why religion has been so successful over the years… and yet, where have all of these religions gotten us?

If you have read some of my recent writings you would know that I now believe that “I am God”. That does not mean, as some have wrongly assumed, that I believe that “I am A God”… there is a big difference. Jesus, we are told, claimed to be God as well and I still have a great deal of respect for many of his teachings. It is my hope that many more will also come to the realization that they are also God, not because of anything that I write or teach, but through the self evaluation of their Inner Being… for once we realize that We are the only God in the Universe, we have no choice other than to take responsibility for the Creation we are all a part of.

Wayne Dale Matthysse

October 2011

The Transformers

Every time I come upon a revolutionary new thought pertaining to life and existence, I realize, after doing some research, that someone else has already come up with the same thought years before I did and I have to wonder why it is that we could not just start from where they left off and carry the ball a little further each time. Every trail I have ever taken, regardless of how far off the beaten path it was, has been forged by someone else long before me… and I have come to the conclusion that there really is nothing new to learn about Life. 

 There is however, still much that I personally do not understand and so I will continue my Journey… for who knows, perhaps one day I will catch up to the One who blazes the trails and we will be able to walk together. 

 By most indicators our World is falling apart, at least for the Western Societies and perhaps that is not a bad thing. It is time to return to a more natural civilization that is less about the individual and more about community. I like the idea of a One World Order but I don’t have much hope of it happening in my lifetime, at least not this one. Still… I like to believe that what I am doing now will one day make it happen. For me, that is what Wat Opot is all about. 

We have some rough weather ahead of us I believe, but we need not be afraid. We are, after all, Created Beings and collectively we form Creation which is the Heart and Soul of Our Creator. Some people will have a problem with this statement for, like me in my Christian days, they prefer to see themselves as worthless beings, incapable of doing anything right. Sinners from the day they were born. Condemned to Hell for eternity because of something someone supposedly did in the bushes thousands of years before them; except of course, for the privileged few who were Chosen by a Loving God, before time began, to be spared of this torturous destiny. What a horrible way to go through this life; believing that everyone who was not Chosen, is a despicable filthy piece of trash that will burn forever in the incinerators of Hell. 

Every morning, after taking my shower, I look into the beautiful Face of the Lord God Almighty while brushing my teeth. He is always right there in front of me, smiling His approval from the other side of the mirror. Have you ever looked into the eyes of someone who is really hurting while you try your best to help them? If you look closely you will see the face of God looking back at you, for God is nothing more than a reflection of our self. 

Creation is the Soul of Its Creator. 

All that there is and all that will be. 

Depends solely on what happens, 

Between you and me. 

No Heaven or Hell awaits us, 

There is no destination,

Creation will continue forever, 

We are Its Transformation. 

 Wayne Dale Matthysse 

October 2011

Inner Light

It is not unusual, at my age, to have to get up at least once or twice in the middle of the night to relieve myself… and with the addition of Melinda’s beans to my diet I usually have considerable gas to pass as well. Since moving to the new dorm, going to the bathroom is a bit more complicated because the bathrooms are in the middle of the building and the corridor is out in the open air. I don’t mind the walk however and at times, on a peaceful night, even enjoy it.

A few nights ago I made one of those journeys to the bathroom and decided to sit instead of stand and so I turned on the light. Within seconds there were flying insects buzzing around it and before a minute was over, the light was completely surrounded by insects of every kind. They buzzed frantically, trying to get as close to the light as possible. Some actually touched the light and paid the immediate price of death while others, thinking themselves more wise, flew in circles around the light… perhaps hoping to understand it better. In the end however, they too paid with their life as many fell to the floor in exhaustion. I am sure that to them the light was a beacon of hope, a promise of salvation from the darkness, but in actuality, by seeking the light they became easy prey for the geckos who took advantage of their ignorance. Common sense should have told them that something was wrong… but because they were blinded by the light, they could not see the bodies of their comrades below them, nor could they see the geckos waiting to devour them. Had they closed their eyes and looked within for only a moment, perhaps they would have understood the deception and saved themselves from their demise.

I flipped off the light switch, causing further pandemonium among the few remaining insects and verbal complaints from the geckos on the wall. The insects bombarded each other in their confusion and I had to wait a few moments for the air to clear before stepping over their carcasses and walking back to my room in the darkness of the night… guided only by the soft glow, radiating from the inner being, of the one I have come to know as me… for each is the Light of his own world and no other light do we need.

Wayne Dale Matthysse